Life in a Chair
Don't Push My Chair (Unless It's Casino Carpet)
When a stranger grabs your chair or starts pushing without asking, what do you actually want them to do instead?
When a stranger grabs your chair and starts pushing you without asking, it's like: whoa, dude, what the hell are you doing?
You don't want people pushing your chair. Usually.
Usually?
Unless you're on carpet in a casino in Vegas. Then you're like, dude, push me. This f***ing carpet stinks and sucks ass.
Sometimes they lay the carpet with the grain the wrong way. When you're a pusher in a manual chair and the grain's wrong, the chair keeps turning toward one side. It starts rolling left or right instead of just rolling straight down the hallway. You give two pushes and your whole chair has turned, and now you're facing left instead of straight. Some casinos have it figured out. Sometimes they f*** that shit up. In a casino like that, you definitely want the push, because man, that sucks.
So what's the fix?
That's when the power chair comes in handy. You get a train of three or four guys in push chairs hanging on behind you, and the guy in the power chair pulls everybody through the casino. Doo doo, get out of the way, get out of the way. The power chair hauls ass, and you can pull those paraplegics behind you pretty f***ing quick.
It's kind of funny, actually. You know how everybody links up on the ice in skates and then whips the last guy? Crack the whip. Same thing. We do that on the court too, every now and then. Everyone grabs onto the back of somebody. It's fun.
So: don't grab the chair, unless it's casino carpet, and then hook on to the power chair.
And get out of the way.
